To live and die for your smile, is worth this life of mine.

I look at this picture of you, and all the cliche's come rolling back to my mind ...
a flood of emotions, tumbling and tussling in my head ...
loneliness throws its silent shadow on the vastness that is life ...
while friendship seems to hang back .. trying to throw me a line
fear takes over ... dancing to the shadows tune
and sarcasm becomes a shield that keeps gnawing at my heels ...
as time keeps throwing its blows at me .. the shield turns into a sword .. but facing the wrong way .. it keeps pushing me around .. till slowly fate has its way and all i can feel is the cold steel of my emotions piercing the flesh of my mind .. tearing apart what once was ... baring my madness to this world ....................................... and all that i ask ... is that i get to keep you happy ...
to wish to be your man is too much ... i fear that asking for that boon will only push me further away .... better to sit and silently watch you live than be thrown far away not knowing what became of you ..........................................................................................................

life is such a fucking bitch ................... but even then you know deep inside .. its worth it :)

Helpless, i stand behind the door waiting for you to open it ...hoping someday you'll see the light of a future shining bright ...waiting for the day when i can look into your eyes ...knowing that the tender glow is going to last forever ...wish that once again i could make you smile ...this isnt a poem isnt a song... just a simple wishto see you smiling, all day long :)Dedicated to Friendship, Family & Love.

Its such a torture watching you brood ...

those lines crease your face ... that gentle smiled dipped into a frown ..

and your locked away behind your glass walls ... wont let me in ... wont come out

who am i to you but another .... but to me your a reason to be ...

i care .. only at the risk of seclusion ...
i fear .. at the risk of loosing you
i act ... with the constant fear of a man on the edge

what wont i do to make you smile ...
i fear .. ill do the things that will only push me farther away ... like a man drowning ... i jump up to grasp hope only to fall back again .. harder and deeper ... till in the end .. i wont even have the energy to push back ... and you wont be there to pull me out ...........................

Love makes you stupid.

Stupid stupid stupid.

You do things you would never do, you act out in manners never deemed possible.

I end up being a total jerk to my girl more often than not. Usually I make an excuse and ‘almot’ get away with it but your never truly forgiven for these sins now are you. More of a statement than a question.

The reason is obvious yet something the ego does not allow me to face easily. By loving you I have given you power over me. I have given you the capacity to humiliate me and crush me. You are the nicest, sweetest person ive ever met but that does not stop me from believing that since you don’t feel the same way about me like I do about you, you will crush me when you get the chance.

My biggest weakness was handed over to you by none other than me. So I act out like a 5 year old who thinks he’s god. I dare you, I make fun of you, I ridicule myself or I just do things that are downright plain stupid. And I do this all in a feeble human attempt to defy your power over me.

You would probably never hurt me, but fear makes me hurt both you and me.

Love makes you stupid.

No wonder im destined to die alone.

Another comparison,
Which is worse ...
To stifle love down the throat or to suffer its agony.

On the one hand you have the ability to partially ignore the existence of the void eating up your soul from the inside while on the other you have the honour and pleasure of acknowledging that you are capable of such a deep emotional connection and commitment.

The first is either an acknowledgment of defeat or in the least a preperation for the same while the latter is a stupid willingness to face your worst nightmare as the inferno of pain washes over you and tears your sanity apart but by bit and then in one big blow after another knock out the soul you so admired for its depth and dedication.

Its a tricky slide either way ... its sure to be full of humiliation, pain and suffering .. pleasure, pride and discovery of new strenghts either way ..................................................... its just a question of faith in your love, logic, expectation and .............. the deep dark unknown that is life.
Love to live, live so you can love another day.

Selling my Soul, Stifling my Existence

They say that one should change who he is for a girl he likes.

Dont change who you are for someone you like......

Do the same rules apply for friends ...???? Is it ok .. or is it rather mandatory for you to change who you are so your friends can live with you ... rather the social repurcussions of who you are????

What if your friends are humiliated by the person you are .. or maybe .. as in my case ... whatif those friends are just tired of ppl asking you why they botehr to be friends with a nutcase ?? Why do you defend an asshole like him??

What does that do to me ....

Since my friends choose to defend me from the Dictators of Society I have to remodel myself to better fit the social dicta for nothing gives me the right to burden my friends with the responsibility of having to handle my mess ....................... But what if that mess is something i like or dont care about.....

Im feeling ... from friends who dont get who i am to friends who dont want to acknowledge what i am ... people who want to change me to better suit their ideal of a good person so they can feel better about who theyre friends with and fele they made hteir friends life better ...

Did you .. serisouly ... have you made my life better by making me what you think is a better person ................. i dont care what society thinks ..... you do ... so should i too??????

Sometiems loosing your soul is as simple a matter as not letting it fly free and leashing it around the ppl who are supposed to see you in your flight as you tear through the skies of social normalcy and personal ambition.

What if my friends never understood me and partly only a part of who i am ... do i have to behave myself to their liking so they can be happy ....................

the sad answer is YES

we need to chain our emotions so we dont end up hurting those we love for they .. even if they dotn always understand us ... they love us...

what i dont like is when they hurt me and themselves over people who dont care about them more than a colleague worries about "that guy who worked here a year ago".

Sometimes i wonder if its a bad thing to hurt those you lvoe to make them stronger .. to make them harder when theyre not .... to be the bad guy who takes the blame for ruining their life if it will make theirs better ... if itll open their eyes ....

What gives me the right to take these decisions for them ... what if anything at all ...............

its a thankless world .. and those who care may hurt you .. but dude ... they care

sell your soul for them ... coz they bloody sold theirs for you !!!