A stranger in my own town.
The people I had held so close to myself are now deserting me, betraying me or simply ignoring me. It’s at times like these that I thank myself for having an alter-ego....one that can handle all these roughs of life. One which has seen through the veil into the real eyes of humanity . One that knows what really lies behind every face/. I know the selfishness that guides us...that forms our existence. Five betrayals in half a month. I should have been crippled...I almost was. Had it not been for my being used to this, I would have been...a cripple and don’t know when I would have recovered...I have learnt to have my expectations broken.
two 'friends' of mine....I had started trusting them...very, very much.....we were close ... a group ...worked together ...studied together .. took on the world together.....then they stabbed me.
two younger brothers of mine......same result....fuckin nuthin means more to them than themselves...I’m drinking my own tears as I sit and contemplate why then never told me anything....what had been my mistake........what had I done that they became so distant......they just left me standing in the rain. Wet and morose.
Another person I had held close to my heart...almost a very good friend of mine…or more....she is ignoring me...again I know not why....just that id better get lost......I will...I intend to.....again…I will go back into my small jail inside my mind.....one where I can lie still without anyone probing.
when your alone...no one can hurt you...you have no feelings...so how can you be hurt...ha ha.....schizo ..................!!!!!!!
down in a hole,,,,loosing my soul....down in a hole..... feeling so small.....down in a hole....out of controle.. id like to fly..but my wings have been so denied...!!!
I’m a broken man... I cant tell anyone about it.....but I’m writing about it right here...one place where I can let it all out and not feel the shocks it would have otherwise generated.
even she is gone now... has my love gone too...???
I need to mourn....will I....?? When can I..??? I can’t afford to sit down and mourn...time flies by and with it so many more opportunities...?? Am I becoming like those…'concerned' people......cant you se how friggin confused I am right now......fuckin don’t know what I’m saying..........FUCKKK!!!!!!!!!
Get lost......everyone...just get out of my life...leave me alone.......hate me.......kill me....do whatever you want.... JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE...please let me die in peace...!!!
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